Thankful

Today I feel thankful.  I'm making some progress with the anxiety medication and feel like I'm getting a part of myself back.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still anxious and neurotic but now I don't feel like there is a cement block on my chest or like the slightest challenge will push me over the edge.
We just got through Littlest Boys birthday celebrations and are greaing up for Sisters (x2) birthday celebrations this Friday and Bigger Boy's party on Sunday.  I am coping, it's amazing.
In a world surrounded by sad and terrible things I do spend a lot of energy worrying that something horrific will befall my family.  My empathy for those who are going through something impossibly hard makes me sad for them but also think "If it can happen to them, it can happen to us".  And so I worry but I'm not obsessing.
Today I am thankful for the now, thankful for all beautiful, loveliness in my life TODAY.

Bittersweet May Days



Ian helping to bake his birthday cake...who needs pants anyway?

Newborn Ian

A whole bunch of my favorite people have birthdays in May.  My Mom, my 2 sisters and my 2 sons.  This year there is a lot to plan in terms of parties for my boys because they are each having a proper kiddie party on the weekend preceeding their respective birthdays, plus we will have mini-birthday parties with family and presents and cake on their actual birthdays, plus we have to send snacks to their pre-school/school for their birthday.  Lots to do!



Owen as a baby

I find myself REALLY excited for them this time around.  They are both old enough to know what's coming and to be super excited about it all.  But this made me reflect about them as babies, and about how much they've grown and will continue to grow until these busy birthday days are done. 
I'm a little sad that we won't be having any more babies in our house but also realistic about what we can handle emotionally, physically and financially.

I told Lovely Husband a few months back that I still have this super strong URGE for another baby.  It must be nature's way of getting humans to reproduce because it's such a strong feeling it almost eradicates logical and reasonable thinking.  Lovely Husband was up for the task of being the voice of reason.
Me "Maybe we could have another one."
LH "No, no way, I'm 40, I'm tired and I can't do it."
Alrighty then, that's the end of that! 
If I'm being completely honest, I do crave another baby.  I do feel like there is still an empty spot, like I'm waiting for someone. BUT, I am tired too, I can barely cope with the worry and Mommy guilt with the 2 I have.  I'm not physically strong enough to endure another pregnancy and to be frank, I don't think my fragile , anxiety ridden mind could do it all again.  Yet the urge remains. 

And so I'm finding that gearing up for birthdays number 3 and 5 a little extra poignant this year.  There is no more baby or toddler, we are moving onwards and our 2 boys are strong and amazing and healthy and fun and enough work for us!  So while I'm so thankful to see my kids thrive and grow I miss my babies too.

Foreign Metal Object

So this Sunday started out innocuous enough.  We had tickets to a children's play for 10am this morning as part of a fundraising event for our pre-school.  Afterwards the kids played with their friends at the park, we came home for lunch and then I settled in for some quiet time with the boys.  No sooner had I cuddled in with with the littlest boy that I noticed the bigger boy had something in his mouth.
"What's in your mouth Owen?"
"It's jus a rmmm."
"I don't understand what you said but spit it out before you swallow it!"
He shakes his head in defiance and guess what?  He swallows the damn thing.
Now I'd like to say that my first reaction as a mother was 'Oh, my poor baby' but actually it was:
"For Christ's sake!  It's Sunday so the damn doctor is closed which means I'll have to spend hours in the emergency room and I don't wanna!"
I call the tele-health number associated with our doctor's office.  They of course say what we expected: "Take him to the emergency room."
So off I go with Owen for a fun filled afternoon at the hospital.  It was a big fun adventure for him.  He played while I frantically hand sanitized over and over again.  I hate even breathing in hospitals.  We got an x-ray which showed the piece of metal from a magnet set nestled in his stomach.  They weren't concerned and sent us home saying he'll "pass the foreign metal object" on his own.  That'll be fun.
Another day in paradise folks!
J.

These are the Best Days of my Life.

As a mother of two young and LOUD boys I often get comments from older people we meet on the street that these are the best days of my life, to enjoy them because time passes so quickly.  And while I am often stressed and tired, I do enjoy them.  I take a momemt each day to be thankful for what we have together, this little family of mine is precious and I am grateful.  I do this because I think of the people I have known who raised families and loved their spouses and worked and lived.  People who spent a lot of time looking back and reminiscing about young family days.  The memories seem to omit the hard days, the up at night with sick kids days, the I'm going to rip out my hair days and what remains are the beautiful memories.  The love remains in their hearts and minds.  And while I do know in my heart that they are right I actually had a real live person confirm this "best days of your life" theory. 
While walking with the kids on our way to kindergarden we stopped to chat with our neighbours who were waiting at a school bus stop.  There were lots of kids and parents waiting for the bus and the stop is at a corner of our local park.  The boys wanted to play and since we were a little early I told them they could play until the bus came and then we would have to continue on to Owen's school.  After the bus left and the parents dispersed I called for the boys.  One of the adults who put a child on the bus was an elderly man.  Grandparents often seem to help out in the to-ing and fro-ing of our kids.  We started chatting and as I called for the boys repeatedly and became more frustrated he naturally said: "Just remember Mom, these are the best days of your life."
"Yup, best days, uh-huh! BOYS, COME HERE NOW!"
"No really." he says. "My three daughters are now 50, 52 and 53 and I miss those days, I wish I'd spent more time with them while they were young"
So here we go with the reminiscing and the forgetting of the sleepless nights and battles over shoes.
But guess what? This guy truly knows what he's talikng about because he also has a son...wait for it...who is 10!
"Well, you've been a naughty boy" I say.
"Nope, I worked damn hard at it!" he chuckles back.  Then he says "I retired 20 years ago, I've sailed off the Florida Keys, lived abroad and you know what?  Being here, with my son is the best part of my life and I get to spend all the time I want with him"
So there you have it, someone who can look back fondly and KNOW that they are right about raising kids being the best ever because he's doing it again. Crazy.
So remember people, these ARE the best days of your life.
J.

A Day in my Little Life

The morning started off ordinary enough, but for the fact that the boys were playing really well together in Owen's room, behind a closed door.  After half an hour of this bizarre behaviour I went in to see what they were up too.  One was naked from the waist down, one was jumping on the bed and half a bottle of baby powder was liberally squirted under the bed.  Nothing like vacuuming at 7am.
Out the door to drop everyone off, spent a nice 20 minutes chatting with other Mommies in the school yard.  I always like hearing about other parents experiences.  One Mommy described staying at home with babies as "mind-numbingly boring". I hugged her for her honesty.  Being a parent is wonderful but not without it's hardships and it's always nice to meet someone who is willing to chat about the real deal of parenting and not the shiny, happy TV or Blog or magazine version of raising kids.
Off to the office where nothing exciting happened and then back to pick up the boys.
We spent an hour in the park and the kids had a ball, I thought about how much I hate the park but how much I'll probably miss it one day.  Sand in shoes, sand in the car, a chatty ride home and now time to make dinner.
When presented with his dinner the little one IMMEDIATELY began wailing and absolutely refused to try even one bite.  He managed to bawl and scream throughout the entire meal.  I told Lovely Husband to pretend it was background music at a fantastic restaurant. It didn't work.
Cheerios again for the little one, baths x2 and now 15 minutes to write this little tale while they play before bedtime.
Just another day in paradise.
J.

Easter Cookie Hell

With it being Easter and a nice long weekend I thought it would be the perfect time for a fun cookie project.  I downloaded a recipe for Brown Sugar Cookies and for icing.  I went to 3 different stores to get Easter themed cookie cutters.  The photos on the websites for the cookie and icing recipes were so pretty.  I was inspired!
Alas, I was once again a victim of false advertising.  I envisioned a messy but fun filled morning of cookie making with my boys.  I got the mess alright but it turned out to be an all day affair and not without some tears, frustration and snapping at one another.  Another Hallmark family moment.
We began in the morning with the cookie dough part of our project.  But for some jostling in front of the mixer for the "best" spot, we rubbed along nicely  for this part.  With the dough made, the next step was dividing the dough into 2 balls, flattening them and wrapping them up in plastic wrap to refrigerate for atleast 1 hour.  The dough was almost impossible to form into a dough, it was barely sticking together and cracked upon flattening.  First clue that perhaps this was a doomed project. 
After lunch and an hour and a half of "chilling" dough, the boys joined me in the kitchen for the exciting part of rolling out the dough and using cookie cutters.  Hmmm, dough is as hard as a hockey puck.  No matter, out comes the giant wooden rolling pin and some wax paper to roll the dough between.  Holy f*c*!  This dough was not cooperating.  I had to move to a lower surface to get more leverage, after using all my strength the damn dough finally starts to give but now it's cracking and falling apart on the edges.  I scoop the broken off dough back into the pile and keep on rolling.
A chorus of "My turn!" and "I want to try!" reigns out as I battle with this bitchy dough.  Now I've broken out into a sweat, I keep at it until finally I have a surface big enough to cut out about 6 bloody cookies.  I am not impressed!
The boys grab their cutters and have a shot, fighting starts over who gets to go first, who's doing it wrong, he's got my cutter!
I now realize we can re-roll the remnants and end up with 16 cookies from the first dough ball.
Time to bake them.
Boys take off because the fun is quickly wearing off as Mommy gets sweatier, hair gets crazier and my volume increases significantly.
While one batch is baking it's time to roll out ball #2.  Screw that.  I call for Lovely Husband.  He mans up to roll some dough.
"It's really hard he says". Um, ya.  Didn't I mention that?
So he starts rolling and dough begins its cracking and falling off trick. 
"It's falling apart" he says.
Move over!  I take over again and begin shoving pieces back on, he takes another turn and we are ready once again to cut out more cookies.
We bake them all up, put them on racks to cool and get followed around by little boys chanting:
 "Are they ready yet?"  "Can we decorate them now?" "How about now!"
"NOT YET!" I screech back a million times.
Finally the cookies are ready to be iced.  I make up a batch of icing.  We have 4 colours and some sprinkles.  The boys ice 2 cookies each and promptly devour them.  They are fired. 
Lovely Husband and I knuckle down and finish the job.  Lovely Husband was having fun although I'm sure he'll deny it if asked.  He iced and sprinkled and created art. 
It is now 3pm, we started at 9am.  Two words: Never. Again.
After all that work, this is the result. And no, the kids didn't do this, 2 grown people did:

Happy Easter everyone!
J.

My Muffins bring all the Boys to the Table

Orange Chocolate Chip Muffins

 On Sundays I often try to make muffins or banana bread for snacks and lunches for the coming week.  This week I did a variation on my Lemon Blueberry Muffins and it turned out to be a rather successful mission.  My boys and Lovely husband all sat down at the table to have a muffin.  Silence reigned, but for the chewing.  Needless to say, these muffins didn't make it past Tuesday.
Anytime I cook with lemon zest or orange zest I'm always amazed at the intensity of the aroma and flavour this simple, fresh ingredient produces.  I actually use a  "microplane" type of grater, it makes it a finer zest but you can use a zester or even a box grater (on the smaller side) if that's all you have. 

Orange Chocolate Chip Muffins

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

In a large bowl mix together:

2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

3 tsp. baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

Zest of one large naval orange or 2 regular sized oranges

In a seperate bowl mix together:

1/2 cup melted butter

1 egg

1 cup of milk

(I usually melt butter before I start everything else to give it a chance to cool slightly.  It will curdle milk mixture a bit but this is ok-kind of a homemade buttermilk)

Fold wet ingredients into dry, batter will be lumpy.  Gently fold in 1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

Make sure you spray muffin tin with cooking spray before evenly pouring into a 12 muffin tin. 

Bake 20-30 minutes.

Mister "I don't like it" cleared his plate

Happy Cooking!
J.

Lasagna

This weekend saw a return to more seasonal temperatures and thus a need for some warm comfort food.  We also had a busy afternoon ahead so I preppped the lasgana at lunchtime with a little help from littlest boy,

 and then was able to put it right in the oven when we got home at 5pm.  As usual, we forced a couple of friends to stay for dinner and enjoyed the lasagna with garlic bread, good wine and good company.

700-800 grams ground beef (pound and a bit)
1 796 gram (28 oz) Can of crushed tomatoes
1 can tomato paste
1 tsp dry oregano
1 tsp dry basil
fresh ground pepper
couple pinches of coarse salt
** if needed, 1/2 tsp-1 tsp sugar, sometimes tomato flavour can be a little acidic and I find a touch of sugar can fix that up nicely)
1 box "Oven ready" lasagna noodles
(you can use the kind you boil first but why do the extra work? or fresh if you prefer)
750 grams nice Mozzarella cheese, shredded

In a small bowl mix together:
1/2 cup parmesean
1 egg
1 tblsp water

In a  large, deep skillet, add ground beef, fresh ground pepper and a couple of pinches of coarse salt.  Brown beef.  Add can of crushed tomatoes and tomato paste along with spices, pepper and salt.

Cook sauce on low heat 20-30 minutes.  Taste every 10 minutes or so to see if it needs more spices or salt etc.  Keep in mind cheese is salty so the sauce doesn't need to be overly salted.

In a 9x13 pan place a spoonful of sauce and a bit of water on bottom.  This allows for a little liquid for the Oven Ready Noodles, which  do require a little extra liquid.

Place noodles on bottom of dish with a bit of space between.  I do three across and at the end of the dish I snap one noodle in half and fit it in that space.

Set yourslef up to put it together, goes much smoother

I place a bowl of water beside my lasgana dish ans layer as follows:
noodles, dip hand in water and sprinkle some on noodles, divide parmesean mixtuer in three, then on each layer blob spoonfuls around on noodles. Layer 1/3 of meat sauce and 1/3 of mozerella cheese.  Reapeat 2 more time for total of 3 layers.  I tend to hold back a bit on cheese in first 2 layers so the top has bulk of mozerella.  Cover with foil, bake 45 minutes at 350 degrees.  Remove foil and bake another 10 minutes or so to brown the cheese.  You can also brown the cheese up a bit under the broiler.

Happy Cooking!

Little Gifts

Monday mornings are never fun for anyone, but I can always count on a smile from my older son.  He wakes up and literally bounds out of bed full of energy and smiles every single day.  This morning I came downstairs after my shower and he ran down the hall to give me a morning hug and looked up with his beautiful blue eyes and his big smile and I thought:

"Wow, how happy is this kid and how lucky am I to be greeted this way EVERY morning".
During breakfast I was prepping veg for a Sheperd's Pie this evening and he pulled out a pack of pipecleaners (which I might add are now sold as "chenille sticks" because apparently pipecleaners is an evil word) and began to make me a bracelet which  he proudly presented:
 "Here Mom, I made you a bracelet!"
It was lime green and purple and way too loose.  The ends of the pipecleaners pricked me as I moved about the kitchen but I wasn't going to take it off for anything.  He them made "sculptures" out of pipecleaners which he hung from the kitchen cabinets.
"There Mom, now it looks nice in here" he beamed.
So I have scratches on my wrist and irritating thingy's dangling off my cabinets but there they will remain because everytime I look at them I see that little boys' sparkling smile and proud expression and I am so thankful for his little gifts of love.
J.

Mom's Homefried Potatos

My Mom makes the best homefries ever.  We just call them "Fried potatos".  They go with everything and are a staple potato side dish in our house.  Every summer at the cottage John bbq's some kind of meat and we ask my Mom to make her potatos.  For years I watched what she did while making them because I never seemed to be able to replicate them.  However, when something is as important as the world's best fried potatos one must be diligent and persevere.  I am now able to make these potatos myself and they are simple and goooood.

Fried Potatos:
(serves 4, increase amounts as needed for your family)

6 yellow potatos peeled and rough chopped
1 bunch green onions sliced (no yellow onions, must be green onions)
butter
vegetable oil
salt and pepper

Parboil the potatos until they are just fork tender.  In a lg skillet, add a tablespoon or so of vegetable oil and a knob of buter.  Throw in the onions and cook on medium heat until softened, remove from heat.  When potatos are cooked, drain in a colander and let them sit a few minutes to completely dry off.

  Put skillet back on medium heat and once it's heated up add potatos to the onions.  Add a couple more knobs of butter, lots of fresh ground pepper and 2 good pinches of coarse salt.

Cook over meduim heat stirring every couple minutes for about 20-30 minutes.  They get soft and absorb all that lovely flavour.  Just before serving turn heat up to crisp them a bit.  I turn up to high, let them sit and sort of shake them around a few mnutes until they are golden brown.

We had the potatos with steak this evening but they are equally good with pork chops or sausages or leftover with eggs in the morning.

Happy Cooking!
J.

A 4 hour Vacation

Yesterday was another 26 plus degree day here in Ottawa.  The pull of the weather was too strong to stay indoors so I emailed Mr. Boss and asked for the afternoon off.  Wish granted. 
Picked up Mom, picked up boys and headed to the cottage for a picninc and some outdoor play
.
I made Peanut Butter and Jam sandwiches on White bread, that's right people, white bread.  Remeber when white bread was just bread?  Well I was breaking all the rules yesterday.  Since we can't send nut butters in school lunches I wanted to have good old PB & J as it's meant to be.  Admittedly the bread stuck to the roof of my mouth with every bite but it was still good.  Littlest boy wouldn't eat it, that child is strange. 

Mom and I moved the picninc table to it's rightful summer location as opposed to it's tipped over leaning on a tree winter location. We doled out the sandwiches, some grapes, Fritos (BBQ flavour), bananas, turkey bites and cheese.  We sat in the sun and ate while boys intermittently hopped up to jump off a large rock or dig at some new discovery in the grass.

No table manners on a picninc, a vacation from "Sit down please, don't wipe your mouth on your shirt, don't play in your drink".  I loved watching them nibble then play, nibble and play some more.

The breeze was warm if it blew from the road but icy cold if it blew off the still frozen lake.
We collected sticks with the wagon and made a big pile for a future bonfire.
We played on the play structure and I am always amazed at how you can judge a child's development based on the new skills they acquire on the playground every spring.
We played in the sand, we sat in the sun, the boys ate Smarties and it was the best 4 hour vacation ever.

J.

Grey and Green

My morning coffee on Saint Patrick's Day

The last couple of weeks have been busy and we've been sick with colds and daily life just seemed to be dragging us down.  The last part of winter is so...grey.  The trees are grey, the streets are grey, the ice and old snow is grey.  No promises of winter wonderlands and Santa Claus, just grey.  I've also been dealing with ramped up anxiety, trying to get a handle on this disorder is not an easy road.

All of this greyness has left me too tired or uninspired to be cooking anything more than some basics and I thought I've got nothing interesting to share so I've been a naughty bloggess and avoided my little Blog.
But then I thought, we have been cooking and sharing with friends, just in a simpler way. 
We had a lovely Saint Patrick's Day Roast Beef dinner with some close friends and some Irish spirits.

We've baked those yummy lemon blueberry muffins, the boys and I made pancakes together this past Sunday.  Last night Lovely Husband was feeling under the weather so I got a loaf of fresh white bread and cooked up some perfect grilled cheese sandwiches.
And now the weather in Ottawa has given us a temporary summer this week.  It's summer temperatures outside with clumps of ice still tenaciously holding out on some lawns (our's included).  Tonights dinner was some grilled sausages on buns, not exciting but fun nonetheless since we get to fire up the BBQ. 
This mini-summer has had us digging out summer shoes and even shorts!  A sign that the world is waking up again.  Today is officially the first day of Spring and thank goodness for that, it couldn't have come at a better time.  However, I do have one small complaint about Spring and children.  The mud.  For the love of God if there is any mud to be found or any puddles or even smushy grass, they find it.  I spent $160 on 2 pairs of shoes for an almost 3 year old today.  What is with the price of kids shoes??  And so Ian was proudly sporting his new sandals while eating a popsicle.  Popsicle dripped all over new sandals, now we have sticky popsicle on the new shoes, 2 minutes later he's in the mud and playing on the 1 square inch of lawn that still has ice!  For Christ's sake kid, can you not wait until you've owned them longer than 10 minutes?
What was that I was saying about welcoming Spring??
Happy Cooking everyone!
J.

Food and Family



Not a great photo but it captures the moment

My sister describes my home as "The Hub".  My house is where we often gather for celebrations, visits and meals.  I love being The Hub, it's a  lot of work but it is very rewarding.  Our little family had a very busy weekend with outings, activities and birthday parties.  It ended with us hosting a birthday party for my brother-in-law on Sunday evening.  At the end of a busy weekend most people would probably balk at the idea of cooking a big meal for 10 people but for Lovely husband and I, it is the perfect way to relax and enjoy ourselves.  Cooking in my small kitchen with many members of my family crammed in, chatting, munching, laughing, is what it's all about.  I derive joy and peace from hosting and feeding my people, it's how I show my love for this group and their presence makes my heart happy.

The weather this March in Ottawa is beautifual and warm.  Originally I said to brother-in-law:

"Request your birthday meal, I will make anything you choose."

He chose chicken pot pie.

 But then the weather turned warm and Lovely Husband had a yearning for his BBQ and with the melting snow and sun comes a natural step away from heavy comfort foods like a pot pie, which we so crave in the Fall and Winter months.  And so brother-in-law's request was ignored in favour of BBQ steak with mushrooms and green peppers, sausages, baked potatos, corn with butter, and ceasar salad.  Sister made a chocolate cake which she iced and decorated at my house with the "help" of my bigger boy.  There were sprinkles and candles and colourful plastic balloon adornments, made and decorated with love, perfection.

Happy cooking!

J.



Smells like...comfort.

Bigger Boy in our bed when he was wee

For some reason, one of my favorite smells is my children's hair.  I love to cuddle and snuggle them and I always need to kiss and sniff their hair.  Not sure why, but it is the best smell in the world and provides a sense of closeness and comfort that is unparalleled.  Lucky for me, the boys are still small enough to want to cuddle with their Mom.  This morning the littlest boy joined me at 5:45am followed shortly thereafter by my bigger boy at 6am.  I got lots of cuddles and kisses, there warm little bodies curled up beside me, bare toes and soft hair, sleepy eyes and fresh ideas spilling out of them.

This is heaven and comfort and bliss even if it happens at the crack of dawn!
Their heavenly scent got me in the mood for more comforting smells and as this morning started a little early it gave me a chance to make Banana Bread!

With fresh coffee brewing and banana bread baking it was a good morning in our kitchen for comfort smells today.  I use my Mom's Banana Bread recipe, don't mess with perfection I say.  Give it a whirl, the smell alone will have you relaxing in no time. 

Happy Cooking!

Banana Bread

2 cups flour
1/2 cup sugar

3 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

combine with
3/4 cup milk
1/4 c oil
1 egg

3-4 ripe mashed bananas

Pour in greased loaf pan
Bake 350 for 50-60 minutes, use toothpick to test centre for dineness

My Not-So-Much a Show Home Living Room

The Pirate Ship

This morning the boys were up at at 'em at 6am, as per usual.  Somebody really needs to explain sleeping in to these children.  For the love of God, we're tired people!
Anyway, Lovely Husband and I are sitting in the dining room with our morning coffee because we have been kicked out of the living room or as it is at the moment, the pirate ship for just 2.  This means of course my furniture has been re-arranged, a job made easier by the fact that the carpet is no longer there as it had a vomit encounter of the worst kind last week and Lovely Husband and I looked at the massive chunky pile of barf and decided to call it a loss, nobody was going to volunteer for that job.
For about 15 minutes they played nicely together, now there is screaming and hitting and whining but for those few moments of play and imagination I was willing to forgo the state of my living room, after all it's not like it looks much better without the pirate ship.
Have a great weekend everyone!

J.

A Martyr for Chocolate Chip Cookies

Last night at 10:30pm, and 11:30pm, and 1am, and 3am, and 5am, I could be found having some quality time in my bathroom.  The next victim in our house of a long drawn out gastro bug that's been hanging around our house for a week and a half now.  Usually on Fridays my mother-in-law watches our boys but she is away this week so although I'm not at work today there is no calling in sick for Mom's.
After dragging my sorry self out of bed it was business as usual.  Littlest boy and I dropped Owen at kindergarden where I made an even more spectacular sight than usual in the school yard.  Hey, at least I showered.
On the way home Ian asked for cookies. 
"Sorry kid, we don't have any." I replied
"You can make me some Mommy!  Wiff chocy chpis!" he enthused.
When we got home he promptly ran into the kitchen and pushed his chair up to the counter.
"I'm a little too tired and sick to make cookies Ian, how about crackers?" I said hoping to sell him on some goldfish.
"I can help you Mommy! I help!" he grinned at me.

And so, we baked cookies. And it was fun, and now the house smells yummy and my boy had his cookies wiff chocy chips.

Jen's Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

In a large bowl (if you have a stand mixer use it), combine:
1 cup softened butter
1 cup brown sugar
(cream together)
add 2 eggs, mix in one at a time.
Once eggs are blended in add
1 Tbsp. corn syrup
1 tsp. Vanilla
Mix in
2 1/2 Cups of flour, with
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
I usually turn on mixer on low, add 1 cup flour slowly then the baking soda and salt, then add remaining 1and 1/2 Cups flour slowly.
By hand stir in 1 bag of chocolate chips.
My oven runs pretty hot, I bake these at 350 for 10.5 minutes.  Know thy oven, don't overbake!

Good ol' British Comfort Food.

It's a bit of a snow day here in Ottawa today, and this automatically gets my "comfort food" cravings going.  However, today is a work day so not a lot of time to cook...what to do?  Rely on good old fashioned British comfort food of course!  Beans on toast with eggs and bangers.  Not pretty, but warm and comforting and easy to throw together after work.  When I was little my Mom would served brown beans with toast and eggs.  She says that she grew up eating this as well which makes sense as my Grandfather's parents were from England.  We started chatting about this meal and how I was going to serve sausages with my dinner.  Mom says: "Oh, I really love those little breakfast sausages, you should try them with maple syrup poured on them, they're so good"
To which I replied: "Mom, everything is good with Maple syrup on it...do you think this has something to do with why I'm fat?"
Maybe Canadian maple syrup can bring about world peace because it's just that good! 
Anyway, for great sausages I highly recommend the following method:
 First you boil sausages for 5 minutes.
next brown them for 5 minutes in a nice, heavy cast iron skillet.

Lastly, pop them in a 350 degree oven for about 10 minutes to cook through.  The benefit to this method is you get the sizzling pan off the stovetop and they stay nice and moist from cooking in the oven a bit.  The boiling for 5 minutes ensures they cook through without drying out.
We poached some eggs, heated up a tin of baked brown beans, toasted some english muffins, threw the sausages on the plate and Bob's your uncle! A nice comfort meal in about 30 minutes.
To top it all off, I've convinced Lovely husband to do the dishes so as I type he washes. Perfect.

Happy Cooking!
J.

Too much sunshine?

Me as a baby when the dramatics began...

As I've been exploring the little world of Bloggers I've come to the conclusion that there are too many sunshiny, crafty and all around perfect Blogger Mommies out there.  These Blogs are full of beautiful craft projects and perfect baking and stunningly beautiful "show home" houses.  On top of which, the photos of these Mom's all seem to be skinny, gorgeous, well put together women, smiling out from their photos without a care in the world, professionally taken photos nonetheless.  The Blogs are sunshiny and happy and annoying!  Who the hell has the time to look that good, have a perfectly organized and clean house, craft, bake and be all ...sunshiny? 

Most days I look like I got dragged through a bush backwards.  If you wear socks in my house you inevitably get a piece of something sticky stuck to the bottom of your sock.  I trip over toys constantly, swear, and keep right on going so the toy remains in position for the next tripping opportunity. 
However, I am happy, my kids are loved and happy but organized and crafty too??...nope, never gonna happen.  Neither is skinny so I might as well get over it.  I'm all about the reality of working, parenting, being a wife, being a maid in my own home, living with anxiety and the bloody laundry that never ends! 

Most women I meet are in the same boat but so few are reluctant to admit it initially. I love the real women I've come to know in my life, they are awesome and fun and great Mom's and every bit as crazy as me...I think, either that or I'm just crazy and they're trying to be nice.  My point is simply that I don't think those Blogs are a true reflection of most peoples reality, I could be wrong but I bet those Blogger ladies get tired of trying to look perfect.  For my part, I won't bother with the deception, too many of you have been to my house!

I'm also a little perplexed by all this talk of "balance".  To me it just is another way to make women feel like they should be able to do it all without complaint or strain, all they need is "balance". WTF??  If I'm working I feel like a bad Mom, if I'm home with a sick child I feel like a bad employee, if I go out with friends I feel like I'm missing out on family time if I bail on plans with friends to spend time with family I feel like a bad friend.  I could go on and on but let's just say I generally never feel balanced.  I'm always choosing and juggling, trying to keep everyone happy, including myself, without losing my mind.  Lovely husband might tell you the mind is loooong gone but he's stuck with me.
In terms of cooking today, I opted for what my mother-in-law calls the working mother's best friend: The Crock Pot.  One hunk of beef, some potatoes, some carrots and a package of Club House "pot roast" powder (thank-you Lisa!). I can't wait to get home and smell a yummy dinner cooking away on it's own!  That's my "balance" for today.
J.

French Onion Soup is goooood.

Last weekend I decided to make French Onion Soup a la Julia Child.  The secret to this divine soup is the cooking method of the onions and the right cheese of course.  It's a meal unto itself, very hearty indeed.  Allow yourself 2 1/2 hours to make the soup although a lot of that time the soup is simply simmering.  It also freezes really well so feel free to double the recipe.  Sorry I have no photos to share, I could have sworn I took some but now I can't find them...so either I did and lost the files or I didn't because I'm scatter brained this week...alas.  Just trust me, the soup looks delicious because it is.
Julia Child's Onion Soup
5 C yellow onions, thinly sliced (about 1-1/2 lb)
3 Tbsp. butter
1 Tbsp. oil
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp sugar
3 Tbsp flour
2 qts boiling brown stock  or canned beef bouillion (I used Campbell's beef stock)
1/2 C dry white wine or vermouth (I used Vermouth)
salt, pepper to taste
1 French baguette, cut in 3/4" thick rounds
olive oil
1 clove garlic
Good quality mozerella or brick cheese, shredded

Cook the onions slowly with the butter and oil in a heavy covered saucepan for 15 minutes. Add the salt and sugar, raise heat to moderate and cook 30 - 40 minutes, stirring frequently, until the onions have turned a deep golden brown. Sprinkle in the flour and stir 3 minutes. Remove from heat.
In a seperate pot bring the stock to a boil then pour into the onion pot. Add wine, season to taste, and simmer partially covered 30 - 40 minutes, skimming occasionally. Correct seasoning. If not served immediately, return to a simmer before serving.
Bake the bread rounds on a baking sheet in a preheated 350º oven about 30 minutes, till hard and lightly browned.
Pour soup into individual oven-proof soup bowls (this recipe can make 6), put bread on top of each and shredded cheese, place under broiler until cheese is all bubbly.

Happy Cooking!

One of those weeks...

It's how I roll baby!

Well, I've been a little absent from my Blog because it's just been one of those crappy weeks.  And yes, it was also PMS week, one can tell because Lovely husband can be found quietly tip toeing around the house for fear of setting off the beast.  Combined with a busy week at work and the usual to-ing and fro-ing of our little family there just didn't seem to be a moment to be creative and write. 
This week also resulted in a massive anxiety attack.  For those of you who don't know me well, I have a Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which is controlled for the most part, mostly by avoiding anything that makes me anxious.  However, this week I had such a pressure in my chest I was dead certain that I was in fact having a heart attack.  After humming and ha-ing and almost going to the emergency room, I took myself to the doctor.  I explained the pressure in my chest and the horrible anxiety and a host of other symptoms and that I was probably having a heart attack, going to die young and leave my children motherless!  She did not jump to her feet and call an ambulance, no, she said:
 "Those are not normal thoughts, you are having an anxiety attack"
" But it's been days!" I wailed.  "And I'm not stresssed or upset!"
"Yes" she says.
So, after a drink and an Ativan and the reassurance of having blood tests and an EKG, it seems I was not having any sort of heart attack, just a lovely anxiety attack brought on for no reason other than my screwed up chemistry.
Now, the comment she made about "normal thoughts" got me reflecting because these may not be "normal thoughts", and I can tell you they're not always fun thoughts, but they are mine nonetheless and they live in my head everyday.  These thoughts and I have to learn to live together and for the most part we rub along well enough, not always in agreement but tolerating one another.  The thing is, this time the anxiety was sneaky!  It wasn't brought on by "not normal thoughts", those thoughts followed after Mr. Anxiety creeped in and started crushing my chest.  When one has this physical pain it seems reasonable enough to me to jump to conclusions but apparently this time, the thoughts and I were wrong and just making Mr. Anxiety thrive.

Now, I should also mention that I tend to go about my daily life with my "abnormal thoughts" swirling around in my head and this makes daily tasks just a little more daunting then maybe it would be for someone who doesn't have anxiety.  I don't know because I've always been this way and it's just how I live.  Every trip in the car could be our last, everytime I leave my kids it could be the last time I EVER see them, every time I go to the grocery store I forget why I'm there and kinda panic, every time I get sick I freak out because this time, it's a terrible disease!
Lovely husband is used to me, he just smiles and nods and reassures but I awlays secretly think
 'Yes, but THIS time I'm right and we will crash the car and you'll see I was right!"
Thankfully I'm never right, but worrying continuously that one day a disaster will occur is futile because we all know that one day a disaster WILL occur.  I know in my head that this is futile but me and my thoughts just can't help ourselves. 
And so, Keep Calm and Carry On my friends.
J.

Family fun??

Winterlude 2012

This weekend was supposed to see us relaxing up at the MacNab family cottage, nestled on the edge of beautiful Algonquin Park.  Instead, we had 3 out of 4 Macnab's struck down with a lovely cold virus where one coughs until they barf.  Also, we've had unseasonably warm and dry weather so instead of the great outdoors being coated in  mountains of fluffy snow, the great outdoors in coated in an ice shield comparable to Serbia.  All of this to say, that this long weekend we chose to do a "staycation".  Owen was only mildly disappointed we weren't going once he found out that our staycation would comprise restaurant visits, an elusive experience for the poor lad as Lovely Husband and I are loath to inflict our little family on a room full of diners seeking to have a quiet night.  In fact, my father once went to a restaurant with us where a minor meltdown occured over a milkshake.  Notice I said "once" went to dinner with us, once was enough for him.
This morning we headed of to Jacques-Cartier Park to enjoy a little Winterlude family fun.  I would like to be able to say a lovely time was had by all and we all pranced about serenely in a lovely winter wonderland.
But that would be a bold face lie. 
What did in fact happen, was upon arrival Lovely Husband was confronted with having to pay $8 to pay for parking.  This irks him, it irks him real bad.  But he calmly paid and off we went where the first attraction Owen saw, and began begging to try was a rock climbing wall.  This was a $5 activity.  We'd only been out of the van 5 minutes and Lovely husband was already down $13.  In resignation he handed me some cash (because I never have any on me, a little quirk of mine he knows too well) and took the littlest boy off to enjoy toddler fun while I stayed with bigger boy.



Owen rock climbing

  The next hour and a half was funish, if you consider crowds and cold and sliding down an ice covered surface at a hundred miles an hour in your jeans "fun". 
A fuuny thing about ice slides, the heavier you are the faster you fly down the hill.  I left Owen in my fat ass dust!  The people at the bottom of the hill had a decidedly concerned look as a giant red ball skidded uncontrollably in their direction. 
Nevertheless,  what matters is the kids had fun, the whole point of this excercise.  John and I both agree that left to our own devices we'd have been sitting on the couch watching a movie but that hasn't happened in
4 1/2 years so we'll just keep to our daydreaming. 

Ian-"I have to pee!"

So now it's time to leave and littlest boy, who has been most resistent to toilet training and has peed in his pull-up all week says "Mommy, I weelly have to go bafroom!"  To which I replied "Pee in your pants kimosabe"  The thought of removing all outerwear and layers of clothing in a frozen portable toilet stall was in no way enticing.
The plan was to go to a local diner for lunch on the way home.  I had a club sandwhich and chocolate milkshake on the brain.  However, bigger boy begins to have a huge display of tantrum in the van which prompts Lovely husband to have a hissy fit of his own as we are all tired and hungry and listening to the tantrum while trying to find parking was too much for Mr. Infinite Patience. 
After parking (finally), unloading boys and walking to diner we discover it is a half hour wait for lunch.  No dice, so off we go again, back to van, load everyone in, more tears ensue.  We make our way to a
Pizza Pizza location for some cheap and fast but mediocer food where we share a small space with a family with 8 kids who were so badly behaved that Lovely husband actually looks relaxed, smiles and says: "I'm glad we did this, for once our kids aren't the worst behaved in the room."  We all need to get our joy somewhere I guess.
Another adventure accomplished, I hold out hope for a smoother day tomorrow but in the meantime I'm just glad we survived all the "fun" of our staycation today.

Cooks and their Books

My well loved copy of MtAoFC

Last week I was purusing my copy of Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French cooking when I decided to hunt down my copy of Julie Powell's book "Julie and Julia".  For those of you who don't know what or who I'm talking about here is a link:
http://juliepowellbooks.com/books.html
Anyway, it occured to me that in times of stress and boredom and or both, I turn to cookbooks such as  Mastering the Art of French cooking, for fun and inspiration and relaxation and I remebered that this was what Julie Powell did as well.  Her ennui with a boring government job made her search for that "something more" that we all look for at such times.  I can definitely relate to the boring job but in my case I chose to be where I am in order to have a family friendly environment, plus my boss is as nice as they come so I really can't complain, it's just, well...boring. 

Anyway, a couple nights ago after the kids were asleep I decided to look for the Julie and Julia book.  Turns out that although it's been a year since we moved to this house this book was still packed away somewhere...but where?  We have about 20 boxes of books still packed away as we've no actual place to unpack them too.  After hunting up on the 3rd floor where the kids playroom and said boxes of books reside, I was still without my book.  Now I'm pissed off, now the "I can't find anything in this mess!  This house is a disaster!" rage begins.  Lovely husband suggests that perhaps it's in the basement but now I'm mad and tired and just leave it for a night.  The next morning I tromp down to the basement and the rage begins anew.  First I have to clear a path through inumerable types of "stuff" piled all over the floor before I can even get to the stack of boxes and plastic containers where my book might be hiding.  Luckily for me and everyone else in the house, the sought after book was in the first box I opened.

I have been happily re-reading this little jem which has been hiding away for a couple years.  It's a great read although Julie is a lot angrier than I remember but this resonates with me, this internal rage, where does it come from??  Lovely husband has PMS week pegged and just steers clear, keeping under the radar as best he can.  But for Julie and for me, the cooking seems to make things a bit better.  The cooking is relaxing and soothing in a chaotic world.  True, things don't always go to plan but at least if you're having a bad time cooking it's still better than a good time at work.

An Anthropologist Chef

Given my love of all things British and my love of cooking it was sort of inevitable that I would get a crush on Jamie Oliver.  He's certainly not hard on the eyes, but what I really like about him is his passion for cooking as a cultural phenomenon.  He seeks out the driving force behind a regions cooking and their relationship with food and I find this fascinating. 
I identify with this ethos because it's how I feel as well.  It's not strictly about the food or the presentation of a dish but rather a social and familial base where we cook for the love of others as well as  for love of food.
Cooking brings people together and my kitchen and home are often filled friends and family who share a meal with us and this brings me true joy.
I think I might have been an Italian of Jewish Mama in another life because I am compelled to take care of people by feeding them.  It makes me happy and I hope it makes them happy too.
Could it be that getting back to real food is as simple as the family itself?  Taking the time to cook for each other, nourish each other and on some days try not to kill each other!  There are many ways to feed a family without cooking everyday, but for me the cooking is as nourishing to our family as the food itself.

Happy cooking!

Homemade Chicken Soup heals what ails you..but only if you eat it.

Chicken Soup and buttered Irish Brown Bread

This is a week of sick little boys.  Coughing and fevers and snot inspired me to make a batch of homemade chicken soup.  "This will make them better!"  I thought. 

 So on sunday afternoon I simmered stock for 3 hours.  Then yesterday I completed the soup with some veg and chicken and noodles.  I also baked a hearty Irish brown bread to accompany said healing broth.  Dinner time came along and I proudly presented my soup and bread to the sick little ones, confident in the food's ability to provide comfort and wellness.  Owen looked at it and said: "I want eggs", Ian looked at it and said (rather loudly) "I don't like soup! I don't and I don't and I don't! I want jammy toast!"  I see.
So, John and I enjoyed the delicious soup and hearty bread while the kids ate eggs and toast.  Pick your battles I guess  Mom-0, boys-1.

Recipes:

Chicken soup

In a large pot, add:                                             

1 chicken carcasss

2 onions chopped in 4 with skins on

2 rough chopped celery stalks

2 rough chopped carrots

a handful of fresh thyme
coarse black pepper
a few good pinches of coarse salt

Bring to a boil, stir, put lid on pot but leave a venting space, and reduce heat to a gentle simmer.  You'll have to fiddle around to find that sweet simmer spot on your own stove top.  Simmer for about 3 hours, check on it and stir every 20 minutes or so.  Although I have left the house for a couple hours with stock on a gentle simmer.
Once done, put a sieve over a smaller pot and dump in the works.  You should be left with a lovely golden broth in the pot and I just dump out the stuff left in sieve.

In a seperate pot I boil some finely chopped carrots, when they are just soft, I add 2 finely chopped stalks of celery for about 2 minutes, just to soften celry a bit too.  Strain the veg and dump in soup pot.  I then add chopped up chicken (you can use chicken from the carcass you used to make stock but if you haven't got any you can use some baked chicken breasts or stripped off a grocery store cooked chicken, one breast and thigh is usually plenty for a nice meaty soup) and bring to a boil. 
Throw in 2 or 3 handfuls of a small pasta and cook until pasta is tender (about 5 minutes).  Remove from heat and serve!
**The reason I boil veg sepaerate is because I don't want all that lovely broth to evaporate on boiling veg, I find this works best for my tastes.  If broth is a little bland you can add a bit more salt to taste or a stock cube if needed at the end.
In terms of the chicken carcass, I tend to freeze mine after a roast chicken dinner for the very purpose of making soup.  If you don't feel like roasting your own chicken just use a cooked grocery store chicken but they can have a lot of extra salt so you might not need as much salt in your broth. 

Irish Brown Bread

Pre heat oven to 400 C.
In a large bowl:
1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
1 3/4 cups whole wheat flour
3 tbsp. wheat germ
3 tbsp. wheat bran
2 tbsp. brown sugar
2 tbsp. oats
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt

Cut in 1/4 cup chilled butter, use your fingers to smush it into the flour.  When butter is blended in, pour in   2 cups of Buttermilk.  I stir it around with the stick end of a wooden spoon.  If still a little dry, add more buttermilk 1 tbsp at a time, you don't want the dough too sticky and wet.  Flour your hands and knead dough a couple times, pick it up and form a ball, put on a baking sheet and flatten out to about 1 inch thick.

Bake at 400 C for 30-40 minutes.  It should be a dark golden brown and you can insert a toothpick in centre to check for doneness.

Serve warm with butter, yum!

This bread is also delicious for breakfast or with an afternoon cup of tea, served buttered and with jam.  John and I originally had this bread on our honeymoon, in Ireland  of course, and we loved it so much I hunted down a perfect recipe. 

Happy cooking!

Hello Heaven? Is that you on my plate?

So I finally got around to making Jamie Oliver's Steak, Cheese and Guinness pie with Puff Pastry crust.  http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/beef-recipes/steak-guinness-cheese-pie-with-a-puf

This past Saturday I decided to give the recipe a go.  As luck would have it, and as is often the case, a couple of friends dropped by so I got to force these unsuspecting people to try a new recipe.  This recipe is HEAVEN!!  It is so, so good and easy to make as well.  The filling is rich and flavourful and the meat gets all tender and melts in your mouth. 
I followed the recipe pretty closely with these exceptions:
I omitted the mushrooms because they're not popular in my house.  In future, I will therefore up the 1 kilo of beef to 1.5 kilos of beef. 
For the cheddar, lovely husband splurged on Balderson Old Cheddar and I used a whole 280g package.

Other than that the recipe is perfect as is.  A tribute to a lovely British classic of stewed meat in a pie!

Happy cooking!

Infinite patience

I'm not always the easiest person to put up with.  Shocking, but true.  I must admit I'm prone to histrionics and temper tantrums and sometimes the odd dramatic moment.  Lovely husband bears the brunt of my not so lovely side.  Last night while unsuccessfully trying to wrestle the children into the bath and then to bed I decided it was also a good time to critique how lovely husband was dealing with Owen (aka Mini me) who was engaged in histrionics of his own.  After a few moments consideration it occurred to me that perhaps lovely husband did not in fact appreciate my words of wisdom...or the tone I used.  So I went in search of the poor man, gave him a hug and said: "Lovely Husband, how do you put up with me?"  He quietly considered this question, as is his way, and then responded: "Infinite patience."  I do love that man.

Nutrition boost (or rather, I am riddled with Mommy guilt and have found a small way to reduce said guilt)

Left to my own devices I would probably never have tried to make my meals more nutrient dense but since I have kids and therefore Mommy guilt, I have been known to find ways to sneak in a little extra nutrition to food my kids will actually eat. 

Before your eyes start to glaze over in a haze of "Oh here we go, another diet lecture" let me say this:

I promise I will NEVER lecture anyone on how they "should" eat.  I am still battling with my life long weight struggle and have been told by many people what I "should" do and having suffered this myself, I would never, ever dream of telling others what they should do.  I have days where the kids eat carbs, cheese, yogurt and sugar without a vegetable in sight, but on the days I have a little extra time or fore sight, I try to do what I can.

My 4 year old son will eat just about anything or at least try things.  Our issue with him is that he will eat waaaay beyond the point of being full, a physiological trait he has no doubt been unlucky enough to inherit from me.  My 2 year old son can survive on goldfish and yogurt for days.  He is the reason I started having to be sneaky.  One of his very favorite breakfast meals is a Smoothie.  Everyone has their own smoothie recipes I'm sure, but this is how I make Ian's and I smugly admit I feel like I've pulled one over on him every time he gulps it down. 

Sneaky Smoothie (or: The Green one!)

In a blender: (this seemed glaringly obvious to mention but never the less...)
1 banana
5-6 strawberries
2 cubes of spinach puree **
1/2 cup frozen mango or peaches

1/2 cup 0% M.F Greek Yogurt (I like Liberte brand, less bitter than other's I've tried and the 0% also has NO sugar and HIGH protein)

I use a bit of liquid Stevia to sweeten this but you could use honey or sugar.

1 tbsp. ground flax seed (I have a little coffee grinder on the counter I use for grinding flax seed, this is an easy boost to sneak into pancakes, muffins, smoothies etc.)

appox 1 cup of milk, pour some milk in, get blender going and if it needs more, add more until it's a consistency you like. 

A tip-blueberry's are good too BUT, purple smoothie is a lot harder to clean up and get out of clothes and if your kids are like mine, it's not if they spill, it's when.

** A note on Purees:  I have cooked up and pureed several veggies and I freeze them in icecube trays and then dump in a ziploc bag.  This allows me to sneak in a nutrient boost to other things too.  For example, sweet potato or Butternut squash in a grilled chees or in Kraft dinner. HOWEVER, please don't get the idea I'm always boosting their food.  I do it when I can, I try to make the effort but all parents know some days we just get by never mind the sweet potato!

Happy Cooking!