A Mommy Guilt Moment

I know this Blog is about my love of cooking for my family, but it's also going to have to encompass just loving my family because they're kinda what I do (besides the working and the blogging and the whining).  So, I wanted to just say a word or 2 on Mommy Guilt because it seems that from the moment I got pregnant with boy #1 I was thrown into a world of "You should!" and the ensuing guilt that immediately follows failing at the "You should!"'s.  Not a day goes by where I don't think "Oh my God, I am going to screw these kids up".  Sometimes it's a big issue (How do you explain Christmas and Jesus to a child when you're not sure you believe it yourself?) and sometimes it's a small thing (I should have made him wear a sweater today, it's colder than I thought, he'll probably freeze getting off the bus and walking 10 feet to the caregivers and it'll be all my fault because I didn't make him wear a sweater!)

Lately I've been chatting with a friend of mine who is also a Mommy of 2 little boys, and we are dead honest with each other about how hard being a Mommy truly is and how we think we're failing everyday and how much guilt we carry because loving these babies so much makes us hate that we can't be perfect for them.  We talk about how carzy it is that women compete and judge each other instead of supporting each other and being honest.

While dropping #1 off in the kindergarten yard I saw yet another example of this Mommy guilt perpetuated by other Mommies.  One woman came to drop off her older daughter and brought her 3 week old baby along.  The previous day she wore baby in a sling under a massive winter coat.  Yesterday she had baby in a stroller all bundled and adorable.  This Mommy is the real deal.  The one we wish we could all be.  She stays at home, she is kind, she is patient, she has those little tissue packages in her pockets.  On a good day I carry used, dirty, snot filled tissue remnants. Anyway, I was admiring baby in her stroller and she comments on how she knows she "should" have baby in a sling but it was much warmer today and she prefers the stroller.  It was sad too see her doubt her parenting because she is so amazing!  And then another Mommy comments "Oh, she's in a stroller" and poor, lovely Mommy was stumbling over herself again saying she knows wearing baby is what she "should" do.  She was quivering under that judgmental look from another Mommy.  You know the one, we've all seen it and immediately felt that inadequate Mother feeling.  But why should lovely Mommy even have to consider explaining how she chooses to get her 4 year old to school while taking along a 3 week old baby? 
Mommies of the world unite!  Be kind to yourself, be kind to each other and when you are having a good day, offer support and if you are having a bad day, ask for support.

On that note, if the best we come up with for dinner is Cheerios or grilled cheese on some nights then celebrate the fact that you managed to feed your family and don't feel guitly that you didn't get them to eat their vegetables.  Cooking fun, healthy meals in my pyjamas is something I wish I could do everyday but somedays it's just Cheerios in our house too.
J.